What's your filler?

Of late I have realized that each of us have our own personal brand of fillers. From the widely used "Actually" to the wrongly used "Literally", people use fillers all the time.

I use fillers too. I might slip in fillers at certain circumstances, and sometimes needlessly. But these are my usual "Filler Circumstances"

•  I am trying to sound intelligent. But, my brain adamantly refuses to accelerate. "Damn you!", I curse myself, "If only you could be smarter".
• I am in a tricky situation, and probably thinking about lying. The circumstance might vary between, "Hey, are you free this weekend?" or "Have you committed your code?"
• I am in Neverland. I have totally tuned people out, and quite possibly don't even hear a word of what the other person is saying. I am probably dreaming of Rafael Nadal or imagining myself to be in a kick-ass sci-fi movie. Yes, I dream that:|
• Among friends. Some of them are pulling my leg for some quirk of mine, and I am trying to retaliate with something sarcastic(very desperately).
• Lastly, I am in the middle of slandering someone/something for being… ummm… stupid, perhaps. Yeah, I can be mean :|

That said, my favorite fillers are
                     A long "ummmmmmmmm"
                     A "You know" with my eyes not making contact

I do not mind people using fillers. In fact, I make a note of what fillers people use, and I find it amusing.

Sometimes fillers people use are funny. Funny, in an good way. One of my colleagues uses, "Ahh, yes." I find it funny, and mimic him as often as possible.

Sometimes they are cute. Like when someone says, "Right", and tries to move on.

But sometimes, they are downright pathetic. I hate it when the dudes and babes use it to, you know, "sound cool". It makes me want to gag when someone tries to talk English, walk English, and even stalk English. I would rather call it Ape English. You might want to add a similarly rhyming word if you want ;)

The filler that I am most amused it with was "Yeah, now..." I am sure I heard it somewhere, by someone. It sounds so cool!

There are so many people, and so many fillers. Moreover, I hear new fillers day in and day out. Most of them amuse me. Some of them irritate me. But, I make a note nonetheless.

So, what filler do you use? 

A forgotten myth...

I always knew that the male kind from Jane Austen books never existed. Well, at least in my world. But, I secretly hoped that guys would be gallant. As a matter of fact, every girl does.

I am sure that most of the male population say that they are gallant/chivalrous. "Hey, I pay for my girlfriend", one might say to prove that he is gallant. Mind you, he does not want to be gallant; he just wants to prove that he is. Monetary gallantry is not really gallantry. She is your girlfriend. Pay for her. There is nothing to be proud about that.

In their minds, gallantry towards the general female species probably just means not stamping you on the foot in a crowded bus or in some rare cases letting you board a bus before he does. Guys today probably live by that definition.

At times, I am appalled that men are so oblivious to the simplest of courtesies.

Don’t let her walk, when you drive.

Don’t let her wait, while you probably are still asleep.

Don’t take her for granted.

Don’t assume.

For some odd reason, men apply the above only to family and of course the girlfriend. Mind you even friends are not included in this small circle in their small minds.

He might be your friend. You might be upset that he wasn’t caring enough. If you confront him the answer might be like, “Sorry. It never struck me” If you don’t, he is happily oblivious to the fact that you are upset, and expect you be all rosy when he talk the next time. And if you are not, before you know it, he is complaining to his friends that you have been acting uptight recently, and that he does not know the reason why.

What is even worse? You talk to you brother/another guy friend about it, and he says, “Don’t make a big deal out of it.” This is when your BFF comes into play. There are a few things that only girl friends can provide, and that being unconditional love, care, and support. Because she knows that, she needs it too. You can whine all you want. She will not advise or criticize. She'll just say, "It's alright. I'm there for you".

It is rare to have a male friend who will treat you like you want to. One who is worried about you. Worried that you are safe. Worried that you happy. Reading between the lines. Hoping that you are alright. If you do have a one. He is truly a George Knightley indeed.

Sometimes, what you see is not always what it really is..

I see him almost every morning at the bus stop. There was something peculiar about him.

Who was he? He looks so out of place. Where was he from? He does not seem like waiting for a bus. So why is he at the bus-stop daily?

His face had lines,

His eyes lacked shine,

He was an inch or two taller,

His clothes were simple,

With luggage always in tow,

Looked like he travels far,

What made him stand out?

The curve on his face,

He wore a smile, almost forever.

Take one look at him, and

He would not seem out of the ordinary.

Look twice and you may see the difference.
What was he? I asked myself.

Although I was intrigued, I prefer to watch him from a distance. At times, he would catch me staring at him. When he does, I pretend as though I am looking out for our office bus.

It was almost a month since the day I first saw him at our bus-stop. I was a good ten minutes early that day. None of my office colleagues was there yet. I was fidgeting with my mp3 player, and as I turned around towards the road leading up to the bus stop, I saw him. He was the same. However, he was doing something different; he was walking up to me.

I never expected this to happen. Was he going to ask me why I stare at him? What would I answer? Infact, what lie would I tell him?

So many questions clouded my mind in the few seconds. I tried to put up an act of searching my bag for something that never existed, trying to ignore him. I was hoping against hope that he would cross me and go. Alas, it wasn’t my lucky day.

He stopped a couple of feet away from me. I desperately tried to ignore him. I heard him clear his throat. Defeated and embarrassed, I looked up.  

Even though I saw him almost everyday, he looked different today. Perhaps, he was the same and I failed to look beyond skin. ‘What does he want with me?’ I peered hopelessly into his face.

A face, which looked much different     

A face, which had much more layers

His face had lines.

They also had scars.

His eyes lacked shine.

They also lacked hope.

His clothes were simple.

And, all too large.

He was an inch or two taller,

In bygone days, he was much taller perhaps.

With luggage always in tow, looked like he travels far,

Sadly, he never had a home.

And that’s when I realized,

He wore a smile, almost forever.

Perhaps it was a way to hide, always and forever.

Yes, look twice and you may see the difference.

And finally, I did.
Old and Broken.
That was what he was.

Interrupting my thoughts, in a raspy voice he asked, “Kaasu irundha kudu ma?”(“Can you please spare me some change?”)

A significant few

We come across numerous people in our everyday lives, and not all of them leave a significant mark on us. Some touch our lives, and life is never the same after that.  Here are a significant few, who have changed my life in many ways.

My Dad – He has always been an inspiration. At times, I find fault with his behavior. At times, I am even furious. But, there is something about him that makes me forget all the quirks that he has; that being his huge heart. I have never seen a person more patient, forgiving, modest, and compassionate. I would love to make my dad proud of me someday.

My Mum – She has always been a fighter; right from her childhood days when she had to sell idiyappams for a living. She is a smart woman, who handles her professional and personal lives well. Although I wish, she would handle her personal life a bit better, I always look up to her for all she is that to my dad, bro, and me.

Vaenil (BFF) – I love the fact that she is patient, and manages to keep her cool all the time. Perhaps that is how she puts up with all my nonsense ;) I like her high spirits, and outbursts that range from kiddish to almost brattish depending on her mood and the place :) But most of all, I love the fact that I can say anything to her, and even get away with it!

Sush (BFF) – She is happy all the time, and that is the most appealing thing about her. Perhaps many of my college-mates would agree. She is one of the most fun people that I have met in my life. Now that she in the US, shopping and hanging out with her is something that I sorely miss.

Merlyn (BFF) – For a while, I did not know much about her, but then as I spent more and more time with her, I have come to realize what a wonderful soul she is. I was taught in school to love selflessly, and even though I try to it was never really my cup of tea. But Merlyn, she was a rare personification of that trait. An absolutely adorable female, whose friendship I will cherish forever.

Pascal (Colleague) – Started out as a colleague of whom I was afraid. As days passed by, we became friends rather than colleagues. I found him honest and sincere in his work. His ability to take and handle criticism was something I have never seen before. “X thinks I am a bad employee”, he said to me once. If I were in his position, I would never admit that someone thinks that way about me to anyone even if it were not true. The thing I admired most in him though is that he thinks, “At the end of the day, people are more important than money”.

Mrs. Fabiola (Teacher) – It was not until she came along that I took interest in mathematics. The memory of her teaching me LCM during my 7^th standard is something I will never forget. More than Math, it was her motherly nature that drew me towards her. She has been a positive influence in my life, and someone who I will always look up to.

Alberto (Boss) – He always kept me on my toes for the six months that I worked under him. For all that hard work, he taught me stuff that no other fresher would learn in a short span of time. Leading by example was something that he did well. He was Mr. Perfect.

 

Poornima (Lecturer) – Poorni was one of the best lecturers we had in our college. She was smart, intelligent, and cute too! ;) Despite her sharp and quick temper, she was famous among the students. She has a very stern resolve, and strong faith, which are truly admirable qualities.

I might have not included a few here. Perhaps a post some other day :)

The best I can ever be

I remember playing carom when I was 7 or 8 years old. I always win. I had a natural gift for playing carom, my dad used to say. I was proud of that fact too! I do not know when I stopped playing carom. It might have been because I grew out of it, or simply because winning became boring.

By the age of twelve, I started playing cards, and I was quite good at it too. The better I got the more games he taught me to play. In time, I learnt tricks of my own, and developed a distinct style of play. Today I could challenge anyone to a game of cards, and win it too.

Right from my childhood, I was a competitive person, and never took “No” for an answer. Be it work or play, I wanted to give it my best.

Some time back, my dad was playing a game of cards with my nephews. One of them was playing poorly and was about to give up. My dad insisted that he play, and even suggested that if he plays a particular card that my dad might lose. My little nephew started to scratch his head. He further encouraged him by saying, “Why don’t you try black?” Undecided he dropped a two of spades, and my dad lost the game. My nephew was all smiles, because he won over his grandpa. What an achievement. My dad patted him on his back and said, “Wow, you play good!”

It was then I realized what had happened… I realized being the best is not always, what it seems to be.

I am not good at carom. Hell, I never was. My dad lost to me every single time, because he wanted me to win. He set me up with coins for an easy pocket. He gave me instructions about angles, force and rebound. He gave me second chances so that I would get it right.

I boast that I can play cards, and my style of play – where did it come from? It came from my dad showing me his deck of cards and suggesting me to play a card, and explaining why it is best option to play that hand. Strategy was not something I had inherently it was something my dad taught me.

It hit me, and it hit me hard. In trying to make me the best, my dad was being his best; not in the game, but as a person. He reveled in the success of his kid. Brushed of defeats, and took pride in my conquest. Little did I know that I won a battle, but my dad won a war.

Today, I cannot compare myself to my father. I am neither that modest, nor that willing. Nevertheless, I try. Someday, I hope my father will be proud, not because I have excelled at work or art; but because I have become the best that I can ever be.

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