Vijay : The Mass

I do not like Vijay. If you do, I am sorry. I would advise you not to read further.

In fact, “I do not like Vijay” is an understatement; “I hate Vijay” would be more accurate.

I have grown sick and tired of his clichéd story-lines, stunt, songs, dialogues, expressions and even heroines. How incompetent can a person be that almost all aspects of his movies are clichéd?

What can you expect from a Vijay film?

Attire Variety

1. Old pair of jeans + tank tops + worn out denim jacket
2. Worn out jeans (probably torn) + netted tank tops + colorful flannel jacket
3. Faded jeans + colorful tank tops + cotton jacket

Hairstyle Variety

1. Not shaved for a day + unkempt hair
2. Not shaved for a week + unkempt hair
3. Not shaved for three days + unkempt hair

 As a surprise he might throw in a hippie style hairdo occasionally

 

Accessories

It may vary from a multicolored handkerchief/scarf ______________________

1. tied on his thigh
2. looped around the collar of his shirt
3. stitched(!!) onto end of his trousers

Vijay in his various avatars

Story

First we have our hero intro song, probably with a lot of punch dialogues.

Our misunderstood & mysterious hero lives a secluded life. Out of the blue comes the heroine who has fallen head over heels for him, and literally throws herself at him. Please note that only the heroine will come after the hero, and never vice-versa. Here we have a love song with the heroine clad in skimpy clothes.

Hero tries to persuade heroine not to come after him, because he has a dark past. Heroine persists. Here we have a “feelings song” with the backdrop being the only thing worth watching.

Now Villain enters(with hideous laugh). Injustice is done to hero/heroine’s long list of relatives (or) public. Hero tries to bring justice peacefully. Villain resists, and does typical villain stuff.Here villain stuff refers to kidnapping/bomb threat to public, etc.

Hero reveals his mysterious past. Hero becomes angry, and decides to end things once and for all. Hero fights villain, with heroine on his hip. During the fight sequence we have a terrible fight song with the names of all types of animals thrown in.

Villain dies/repents and seeks atonement. Heroine kisses. Hero dances.

And as a final twist Vijay throws some variation towards us. Yes, you can never guess when he will say punch dialogues and do kuthu song.

What is left? Two hundred rupee notes missing owing to tickets & popcorn, and an unintentionally funny movie ;)